Nightmare
by goingthroughhellkeepgoing
Summary: Aaron suffers from nightmares.
1. Chapter 1

Aaron startled awake.

He'd been having the same nightmare for weeks now since the accident. Nobody knew he was suffering from nightmares, at least he didn't think so. Although when you're asleep and trapped in a nightmare you don't know whether you're shouting out. If he had been neither Paddy nor Hazel hadn't said anything, though Hazel spent most of her time at the hospital still. A place which he hadn't visited since Jackson had blamed him for the accident. Since then it seemed as though the nightmares had become more vivid, stronger.

Aaron rolled over on to his back and ran his hands over his spiky short hair, something he did when he was stressed or tied. 4:00am flashed in red on his arm clock on Jackson's side of the room, the side of the room which he hadn't touched since the accident. Jackson's leather band bracelets were scattered on the bedside table, his aftershave stood on the window sill and a few of his clothes lay neatly on a chair. Everywhere there seemed to be a reminder of Jackson.

Realising there was no way he could get back to sleep Aaron rolled out of bed and pulled on the nearest set of clothes he could find. Before he headed downstairs, quietly, and began making himself a cup of tea. It was still dark outside and there was no risk of waking Paddy and Hazel, as he could hear their snores as he padded down the stairs.

* * *

"You're up early." Paddy stated, making Aaron jump who had been sitting at the kitchen table for the past several hours, nursing the same cup of tea.

"What?" Aaron mumbled, not registering what Paddy had said.

"Never mind, you look awful." Paddy said, beginning to hunt for something for breakfast. "Did you get much sleep last night?"

"Yeah, loads." Aaron lied, before taking a sip of cold tea, shivering as it slid down his throat.

"Hmm." Paddy said to himself, as he poured a bowl of cereal. He'd herd Aaron last night, shouting out in his sleep, distressed.

"I'm gonna go off to work." Aaron said, after clearing his throat, standing up and fetching his jacket off the coat peg by the kitchen door.

"It's early as yet, have you had any breakfast?" Paddy asked, his fussing beginning to kick in. "Cain won't be opening up for another hour as yet."

"I'll open up myself." Aaron told him, before he disappeared out the front door.

Aaron just wanted to get out of the house. He'd been sitting in those four walls for the past several hours, thoughts running through his head over and over again, no escaping them. He couldn't sit there any longer and put up with Paddy's fussing, his concern. He'd already caught on that Paddy must have heard him last night. He'd kept asking him whether he'd gotten a good night sleep. He didn't want to suffer through Paddy's non stop questioning he knew he only wanted to help. But it was only irritating he wasn't used to it, still.

Before he got the garage Aaron went over to Cain's to fetch the keys. Cain still didn't trust him with a set, only he and Ryan had possession of them.

"Morning Aaron." Charity said, as she answered the door dressed in her cream pyjamas and pink dressing gown, no trace of make up or straightners in sight. "What do you want this time in the morning?"

"Is Cain in?" Aaron asked.

"He's upstairs still asleep. Some of us don't have to get the kids ready for school." Charity moaned.

"I need the keys to the garage." Aaron told her, he didn't want hang around on their doorstep talking to Charity.

"Well good luck getting them. Cain won't be happy when I wake him up to ask him where they are." Charity told him, stepping back inside leaving the door open. Aaron followed her inside and waited in the lounge as she climbed the stairs to wake Cain up.

Noah was sat at the kitchen table with Sarah eating toast and cereal. Both of them looked up at smiled when they noticed he was in the room.

"What you doing?" Noah asked keen to make conversation with Aaron.

"Getting Keys." Aaron said simply, not one for children.

"Why?" Noah asked.

"I need them to unlock the garage."

"Why?"

"Because it's locked."

"Why?"

"Just shut up!" Aaron snapped, losing his temper already. He was tied and Noah wasn't helping by his constant questions.

"What's going on?" Charity asked as she made her way down the last few steps, holding the garage keys in one hand.

"Nothing." Aaron sighed, taking the keys from her out stretched hands and leaving through the front door.

It didn't take long, for Aaron to open the Garage and move all the cars out on to the fore court to be fixed. He decided to start with Peugeot first which he estimated to take all morning to fix, hopefully it would keep his mind busy. At nine a clock Cain turned up not happy because he'd been woken up earlier for the garage keys, followed shortly by Ryan who was nursing a hangover.

"I think Aaron should have a set of keys for the garage. It's only fair." Ryan told Cain, after hearing him whinge about being woken up at seven in the morning for a set of keys.

"No." Cain said simply.

"Why? All of us have a set apart from Aaron." Ryan argued.

"Ryan. Don't." Cain warned. The whole reason why Cain didn't want Aaron to have a set of keys was because of what happened earlier in the year. He didn't want it to happen again, at least when Aaron asked for they keys, he knew when he was at the garage and how long, he could keep any eye on him at a distance.

Aaron sighed. He was fully aware of the reasons why Cain didn't trust him with a set of keys to the Garage. He didn't understand that he no longer thought that way any more, he had no intentions of trying it again. He was at an all time low then, he didn't know where to turn. Jackson wasn't there for him, like he wasn't now. But Aaron had Paddy and Adam and his mum now. He no longer felt alone.


	2. Chapter 2

"Paddy I won't be home for tea. I'm gonna stay a little longer with Jackson, he's been feeling a bit down lately." Hazel told Paddy as she rushed down the stairs searching for her purse.

"Tell him I'll pop over this week." Paddy said to Hazel, as he watched her whirl round the kitchen, hunting high and low.

"It's nice to know one of you will go and see him." Hazel said coldly, aiming her dig at Aaron who was stood leaning in the corner of the counter tops staring absent mindly out of the window facing across the front lawn.

"Hazel, that was a bit harsh." Paddy said, hoping Aaron would take no notice of what Hazel had said, but he hadn't even been paying attention.

"Harsh? You try explaining that to my son who's lying paralysed in a hospital right now having been abandoned by his boyfriend." Hazel argued, Jackson was still a sensitive subject.

"If I remember correctly Jackson was the one who split up with Aaron." Paddy cornered.

"He was giving him a way out. And true to his form, he took it and ran." Hazel snapped, glaring at Aaron who was still not paying attention.

"He was doing what Jackson wanted Hazel. Aaron hasn't had it easy either you know!" Paddy said firmly, defending his surrogate son.

Hazel laughed. "He can still walk can't he?" She said before forgetting about her purse and walking out.

"Aaron she didn't mean any of that." Paddy said to Aaron.

"W-what?" Aaron said, snapping out of his day dream.

"Hazel. She didn't mean what she just said. She's just worried and stressed." Paddy told him.

"Yeah" Aaron agreed, not fully understanding because he hadn't listened to the whole of the conversation.

"So what do you want for Dinner?" Paddy chirped. "I thought we could have pizzas and then play on that new game I brought the other day for the Xbox."

"Yeah sure." Aaron answered, still in haze.

Paddy had planned to keep Aaron occupied and his mind busy all night. He knew Aaron spent most nights trapped in nightmares and even during the day sometimes when he stared off into space. His plan worked, until he found Hazel's purse tucked behind a few cushions on the sofa.

"She's gonna be lost without this." Paddy said, eyeing the brown leather purse. "I should go give it to her."

"Can't she manage borrowing money of Bob? He took her tonight didn't he?" Aaron said, he'd been enjoying tonight thrashing Paddy on the new Call of Duty game, not thinking about Jackson, the crash, hospitals and trains.

"No, she got the bus there. Still had a few bus fairs left on the ticket she had in her pocket." Paddy told Aaron, getting up from the sofa.

"Where you going?" Aaron said, annoyed that Hazel had left her purse and Paddy would most probably end up going to give it to her.

"To give Hazel her purse." Paddy said, pulling on his coat.

"No, don't." Aaron protested, he didn't want to be left alone tonight, to think.

"I've got to. Come with me if you want." Paddy said, hoping Aaron would. It would be good for Aaron to go to the hospital. It would be good for everyone.

Paddy could see Aaron debating with himself for a while, arguing whether it would be a good idea if he did go. "Fine. But I'll stay in the car." Aaron answered, getting up and collecting his Jacket. Paddy knew that if he could get Aaron to go in the car to the hospital he could get Aaron to go inside.

"I'll try not to be long. You sure you'll be alright in here?" Paddy asked, as he switched the engine off.

"I'm sure I can survive alone in a car at eighteen years old." Aaron breathed, sliding down in his seat getting comfortable.

"Okay then. Where about is Jackson?" Paddy asked, knowing his ignorance would make Aaron cave in and show him himself.

"Spinal unit." Aaron answered.

"Which floor?" Paddy continued.

"Second." Aaron snapped.

"So do I go up a floor then turn left or right?" Paddy asked, un-buckling his seat belt and opening his door.

"Argh." Aaron growled. "I'll show you."

"Thanks." Paddy said, trying to keep his smile from Aaron.

"You know it's really not that hard to find." Aaron snapped as they walked inside the warm hospital.

"You know me, terrible with directions." Paddy joked as Aaron pressed the button for the lift.

"You work in the countryside Paddy." Aaron said, "How can you not be good with directions?"

"True."

It was dimly lit on the ward Jackson was on because it was late at night. A few nurses were talking to one and other at the nurse's station, drinking cups of coffee and nibbling on cookies sent to them by a grateful patient. Paddy greeted them as he walked past, heading for Jackson's room in the middle of the ward. Aaron followed far behind, uneasy. He hadn't been to see Jackson since he'd blamed Aaron for the accident, wishing he was suicidal or in denial. Sometimes Aaron did wish he was still in denial, then maybe none of this would have happened.

"Come one Aaron. I don't think the nurse will want you waiting out here, getting in everyone's way." Paddy called to him from Jackson's closed door.

"Nah, I'm fine out here. I'll wait for you to come back." Aaron said, breathing deeply remembering every word Jackson said to him. He was scared to go any where near his room.

"Don't be silly. I might be ages as yet." Paddy told him, waving for him to come closer. "Come on, I'm sure they won't bite."

"Paddy, I'm fine out here." Aaron breathed. Paddy knew it was bothering him, but he had to help him, he needed to face it. Hopefully his nightmares would stop if he spoke to Jackson.

"Nonsense, come on." Paddy said, striding over to him and pulling him inside.

Hazel was sat beside Jackson, watching the T.V on the wall in the corner of the room she was startled when her eyes met Aaron. Paddy strode over to her held out her purse.

"You forgot this." He smiled, ignoring how uncomfortable Aaron felt standing by the door.

"Thanks." Hazel said taking the purse. "Nice to see you here, Aaron."

"Do you fancy a coffee Hazel?" Paddy hinted, hoping they would leave the boys alone to talk.

"I've jus- Oh actually yes. The ones in the cafe are quite good." Hazel triggered on. "As good as hospital coffee can get, come on then."


	3. Chapter 3

Jackson continued to stare at the television screen like he didn't notice Aaron standing by the door pulling his sleeves down over his clenched hands and shifting from one foot to the other. _Why had Paddy left him alone with Jackson?_ Aaron thought. Paddy was clever, Aaron gave him that.

"Are you still standing there?" Jackson sighed, irritable.

"I-er. . . I-I I'll go if you want." Aaron stumbled, uncomfortable.

"You know where the door is." Jackson smartly replied, saying the opposite to what he wanted Aaron to do.

Aaron turned and opened the door, it was only when he was halfway out that it occurred to him all this was stupid.

"Jackson. . ." Aaron began, losing all his momentum when he saw Jackson glaring at him. "I-I I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Jackson snapped, not giving Aaron a chance. "For walking out and leaving me? Screwing up my life? Going after Mickey? You pick."

"Jackson don't." Aaron said quietly, crossing the room towards him. "I'm sorry for all those things and so much more. Just don't be like this with me."

"I'm sorry how do you want me to be like? It's just I'm new to all this." Jackson said snidely.

"Don't. You're doing exactly what I always do. Push away those who care for me." Aaron said. "I'm not gonna let you do that. It's lonely."

"Don't act like you care." Jackson argued. "You're the one who walked out a few weeks ago."

"I _do_ care." Aaron protested. "I'm not going any where. You need_ me_."

"Think full of yourself don't you." Jackson continued, not listening to a word Aaron was saying.

"Jackson!" Aaron snapped. Jackson was shocked slightly, he hadn't seen Aaron lose his temper with him for months now. "Listen to me."

"I am." Jackson stated. "You're not listening to me. Do you really want to be burdened with me? You're eighteen you're supposed to be out there living your life."

"You're my life." Aaron answered, looking Jackson straight in the eye.

"Aaron, don't." Jackson began, tears threatening to fall. He didn't want to be the reason why Aaron would resent how his life was in a years time, looking after him while all his friends were out in town.

"Jackson, I want you." Aaron told him.

"I want you too, but you deserve better than this." Jackson told him, a tear escaping down his cheek.

Aaron leaned over and wiped the tear away. "Then it's settled."

"Aaron-." Jackson started before Aaron interrupted.

"-Shut up." He joked, taking a seat next to Jackson's bed.

Aaron was fast asleep in the hospital chair when Hazel and Paddy came back from getting a coffee, he was exhausted from the restless nights he'd been having. Jackson laid, silently, in the bed, watching Aaron's chest rise and fall as he breathed deeply in his sleep, unaware that Aaron was entering a nightmare once again.

"How is everything?" Hazel asked, as she entered the room.

"Shhh" Jackson hushed gesturing with his head towards Aaron, he's didn't want his mother to wake Aaron up with her loud voice.

"Oh, sorry." Hazel whispered, taking a seat on the edge of Jackson's bed, so Paddy could take the other available hospital chair. "He looks so innocent when he's asleep."

"Who's to say he isn't?" Paddy asked joking.

"No don't get me wrong Paddy. I think Aaron is a wonderful lad. It's a shame about his past though." Hazel admitted. "Maybe if he had a better up bringing, like our Jackson did, then maybe he. . . he might less defensive and more open to things."

"Maybe." Paddy agreed. "He's come a long way though."

"I herd he gave you a run for his money-" Jackson started before Aaron's shouts interrupted their conversation.

"YOU'VE GOT ME!" Aaron shouted from the hospital chair twisting and turning, his eyes tightly shut. ". . .NO!"

"Paddy?" Hazel said uncertainly, all of her attention and everyone else's focused on Aaron.

"I know." Paddy said, getting up and heading over to Aaron. "Aaron?" Paddy started loudly, placing a hand on Aaron's shoulder. "Aaron!" He said louder this time, shaking him.

Aaron's eyes flew open. He jumped when he saw Paddy so close to him, worry plastered on his middle aged face. Hazel and Jackson were watching him intently also, both looking concerned. _Shit_. Had he really allowed himself to fall asleep? He was watching T.V with Jackson wasn't he?

"You alright, Aaron?" Hazel was the first one to ask.

"Yeah." Aaron snapped. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Can you remember?" Jackson asked. "You were having a nightmare."

"No" Aaron lied, feeling embarrassment rise up in his face as he looked down to the floor and rubbed his hand over the back of his head.

"We should be getting back now." Paddy began. "We all need our rest."

"Good idea." Jackson agreed, smiling, hoping it would lighten the situation.

"Right well, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then Jackson." Hazel said, getting up and straightening her coat.

"Do I have a choice?" Jackson joked.

"No." Hazel said simply, about to walk out the door.

"Woah mum! Don't forget your purse!" Jackson called to her, noticing her brown leather purse sitting at the edge of his bed.

"Oh god. I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on." Hazel laughed at he clumsiness.

"Night." Paddy said, as he followed a bleary eyed Aaron out of the door.

"Night" Jackson returned. "Look after him." Jackson added quietly so only Paddy could hear.

Paddy nodded, before closing the door behind him.

"Come on then Aaron, show us where Paddy left the car," Hazel said, trying not to let any conversation focus on the nightmare Aaron had had, it would only make it worse. "I'm sure Paddy here, can't remember where he leaves things like me."

"It's just over there." Aaron answered, pointing to Paddy's car parked on the corner.

"So it is." Hazel mused.

It didn't take them long to get back to Smithy Cottage. Hazel sat in the back behind Aaron, wittering on to Paddy in Aaron's ear keeping him awake.

". . . I said to myself Hazel no way are you going to be able to carry that Christmas tree in on your own." Hazel continued as they walked inside. "But now, Aaron you can help me can't you?"

"Wha- Yeah," Aaron said, heading towards the stairs.

"Good boy." Hazel said smugly, happy that she could give Jackson a proper Christmas when he comes home.

"You going to bed now?" Paddy asked Aaron, popping his head round the kitchen door.

"Yeah, it's late." Aaron mumbled, finding it difficult to keep his eyes open.

"Okay then. Good night. I'm just across the hall if you need me you know." Paddy assured him.

Aaron really didn't want to submit himself to the nightmares again tonight. But he had to, he was exhausted and unwillingly he would fall asleep not matter how hard he tried to fight it. The screeching of the trains breaks, the sound of his running foot steps hitting the wet tarmac floor and the blood on Jackson's face continued to haunt him, no matter how hard he tried to block them out.

* * *

Aaron ran. He ran as fast as he could, the cold winter's air burning the back of his throat as he ran harder and harder, pushing himself. Wooden crates were scattered across the train track, were they had burst upon impact of Jackson's blue Van hurtling towards them, as the train had crashed into him. Aaron clambered across the track and climbed the wooden crates, unnerved by the danger risk. He needed to know if Jackson was alright. Aaron hadn't noticed the train diver climb out of the train and walk towards him, until he was standing directly beside him.

"I can't even tell if he's breathing." Aaron breathed, panicking.

"You'll do more harm then good. Come away." The train driver said, talking sense.

"Just leave. Me. Alone." Aaron growled. "Jackson. It's me." Aaron said reassuringly, hoping Jackson could hear him. All he could see was crimson blood covering his lover's face. "Look please, if you can make a move or something."

Aaron choked. "I told you I wasn't going to lose you and I mean it."


End file.
